your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
