Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize
