Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
