Define "chronic" masturbator.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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