Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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