You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
She's like a pop up book from hell.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
