I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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