Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
