not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
