do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
