Duck Duck Cougar?
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
