I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
