All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
operation harelip BJ is a go
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
