ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
