6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
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