I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Randomize
