R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
