Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
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