its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
