It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Just invented taco cereal.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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