I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
