so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
