Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
