i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
We got so high we made milksteak
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
