I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
