She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
