Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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