I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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