No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
