Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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