I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
