I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
