I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
