Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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