no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
