He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
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