420 ftw
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
