She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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