she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
God, I missed his penis.
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