I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
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