Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
