I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
