im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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