So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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