you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Just invented taco cereal.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
