i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
