How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
