Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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