I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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