you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Randomize
