HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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