I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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