I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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