It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
