im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
