How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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