I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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