I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
