She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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