Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
