I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
