Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize