If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
